Kiddos

I'm a teacher. Did you know that?

Sometimes I forget.

This past Sunday I started helping in the nursery again. I just started volunteering for one Sunday a month with the 2's. I haven't helped since before I got pregnant.

That's a long time.

Wanna know a secret?

I loved it.

Like, really loved it.

I mean of course I loved it. I'm a teacher. Did I mention that? I'm wired to teach. I didn't even actually teach these kids, though. I just played with them. And loved on them. That was enough.

I'm wired to kids. And I've missed them. And, yes, my first calling is to teach Taylor and future little Owen babies. But I'm also called to teach other kiddos. Other people's kiddos.

Did you know there is a whole bunch of kids up at church every Sunday morning?

And they are just waiting on me to play and love and teach them.

So, we'll see what happens.

I need to talk to God about it.

A Mother's Blessing

What a blessing this has been. Nursing my sweet child. It was something I had been anticipating from the beginning; something I so desperately wanted, but at the same time feared. Thankfully, God allowed me this blessing. And I have cherished it...absolutely cherished it.

There have been times when I almost quit. Times when the uncertainty and doubt almost swallowed me whole, but I felt called to persevere. And persevere I did. With my trusty pump in hand, I fought for this. And God proved faithful. He has given me 6 full months of breastfeeding my child, and I am so very thankful to Him.

I thought I was finished about a month ago when Taylor didn't seem to be getting satisfied, but after pumping like a fool, the problem was fixed. It was then that I came to terms with the possibility that I might be done nursing, and surprisingly I was okay with it. Don't get me wrong, I would love to nurse all the way to a year. But I am not in control here. God helped me realize that if I didn't make it to a year, it would be okay.

I'm not quite sure, but I feel as if it is coming to an end. Taylor seems to be starting to wean herself. We started oatmeal last Monday, and have been trying fruits and vegetables also. The oatmeal is made with formula because after a period of supplementing when the supply wasn't meeting the demand, I used up all of my frozen stash. She is getting used to the formula now, and almost seems to prefer it. I am going to continue to offer her to nurse as long as she wants, and supplement with formula like I've been doing. But I don't know how long it's going to last.

Now that it might be happening for real, I have mixed emotions. I have accepted that it is okay if she does end up weaning herself. But at the same time, I am so very sad. As I'm typing this, my eyes are welling up with tears. This has been such a wonderful time of bonding with my sweet baby girl. She is not a snuggly baby, so nursing has been a great way for me to get my snuggles and bonding in with her.

Today, while I was nursing her, I asked Jonathan to take some (modest) pics for me. I am so glad he did. These pictures will be a great reminder of the time I was given to nurse my child.

To help me remember.

To remember the way she would reach up and touch my face while she nursed, and the way she clutched at my clothing and skin.

To remember the many hours I spent gazing and caressing her sweet face. All the while thanking God for this little bundle of blessing in my arms.

To remember the times she would look up at me out of nowhere and smile at me with such love and delight.

To remember the times she fell asleep nestled snug against me, and I just watched her.

To remember this special time I was given to spend with my firstborn child.
A blessing indeed...this motherhood thing...a blessing indeed.

Side-note: I struggled with whether or not I should publish this post. I would hate to offend or upset anyone. But this is my blog; a way for me to document this time with my precious child. And this is important to me; so in the end you can see what I decided to do.
I hope ya'll don't mind.

Dedicated to the Lord

Dear Taylor,

Last Sunday was a momentous day in your life. Last Sunday, we dedicated you to the Lord. It was everything I had hoped it would be. It was honoring to the Lord and that's all we could have asked. Your daddy and I were so overjoyed. It was such a blessing to be able to make those commitments to "raise you in the truth". You were surrounded by people who care deeply about you: your family and friends. Even Granddaddy got to pray for you. I am so thankful for the support we have. People who I know will keep their promises to direct you closer to Him in any way they can.


The first time I came to a baby dedication, I was mesmerized by Pastor Harry's prayers. I loved the fact that he prayed such specific prayers for each baby that was being dedicated. I could not wait until the day that we had our own little baby, and we got to hear Pastor Harry's special prayer for him/her.

Well that baby turned out to be you, Taylor, and we could not have been happier.

I had asked Old Lady to write down Pastor Harry's specific prayer, so we could have it for you. Well, when I got back to my seat after the dedication, Old Lady looked a little worried. I asked if she was able to get the prayer written down. Her reply was so funny. "I'm so sorry. I tried to write it all down, but he was going too fast, I couldn't get it all. I tried. It was just too hard." The poor dear was almost in tears. She knew how much it meant to me to have that prayer. Such a sweetie.

Anyways, it all turned out okay, because the sound people (thanks J.C. and Michelle) recorded the whole baby dedication, so I was still able to get the prayer.

Here it is baby, girl. I hope it means as much to you some day as it does to me.

"Lord, we celebrate today the gift that Taylor Francis is to Jonathan and Kristin. Their firstborn, a little girl. We pray that You would shepherd them as parents and You would, Lord, give them grace and energy, wisdom and a unique capacity to discern her needs and her bent. And Lord may they invite her to know Christ, and may she receive You early. May she live for You wholly. God, would You provide her what she needs so she can be able to grow into the full beauty that You have endowed her with in Christ. Lord, give her a precious, sweet heart. Give her a large heart. Let her taste and feel, maybe what others miss. And give her the capacity to be a vessel that displays Your compassion and grace. Lord, I dedicate Taylor Francis Owen to You and I do so in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow! We rejoice over you, Taylor, and dedicate you to Him. We commit to bringing you up in the truth and doing everything we can to point you to Jesus Christ. We take personal responsibility to explain the Gospel to you, and to see to it that you understand the grace of God through Jesus Christ. We commit to raise you in a Christ-centered home; to confirm and validate the truth by living in a way that shows you Christ. We commit to support you if God calls you to full-time Christian service, wherever that may be. We will help you get to where God wants you to go. We dedicate ourselves to those things as much as we are dedicating you to the Lord. Amen.

Truth or Dare?

I thought I'd start this little project out with a little truth or dare. First off, I am not good at sharing, so this whole experience will be good for me. I'm what you could call a "dead sea" type person. Basically, I think lots of thoughts, but you wouldn't know that because I don't share them. I keep them locked away and only let them out at precise, magical moments when I feel comfortable.

Second off, I struggle with perfectionism. God has stripped lots of that away over the years, but frequently it still shows it's ugly head. So, beginning a blog brings forth many insecurities. What if I'm boring? What if I have nothing to say? What if I mess up? What if someone doesn't like something I said? And the worst ever for a perfectionist...What if I fail?

Now, of course I know this is just silly. Failing at a blog. How do you even do that? That's not even important. Even though I know this truth, I still allow myself to believe the lie that I have to perform. So I decided to start out truthfully by telling you that I have insecurities. Gasp... I know. Like I'm the only one.

Here comes the dare. And yes, I am daring myself. (Don't worry it's allowed. I checked the rules on wikepedia.) I tell you all this to say that I am going to dare myself to be honest, to be brave, to share hidden parts of myself, to be vulnerable, and of course to tell the funnies of life. Even if I feel like I am 'failing', I am going to push forth and do it anyway.

This is what I remind myself of when I recognize that I am 'performing'. "I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and complete in Christ." What a wonderful feeling! And I know without a doubt that I will be boring at times, I will mess up occasionally, I will have nothing to say often, and yes, I will even fail a bunch. But, knowing my position in Christ's eyes let's me know... I think I can handle that.