I thought I'd start this little project out with a little truth or dare. First off, I am not good at sharing, so this whole experience will be good for me. I'm what you could call a "dead sea" type person. Basically, I think lots of thoughts, but you wouldn't know that because I don't share them. I keep them locked away and only let them out at precise, magical moments when I feel comfortable.
Second off, I struggle with perfectionism. God has stripped lots of that away over the years, but frequently it still shows it's ugly head. So, beginning a blog brings forth many insecurities. What if I'm boring? What if I have nothing to say? What if I mess up? What if someone doesn't like something I said? And the worst ever for a perfectionist...What if I fail?
Now, of course I know this is just silly. Failing at a blog. How do you even do that? That's not even important. Even though I know this truth, I still allow myself to believe the lie that I have to perform. So I decided to start out truthfully by telling you that I have insecurities. Gasp... I know. Like I'm the only one.
Here comes the dare. And yes, I am daring myself. (Don't worry it's allowed. I checked the rules on wikepedia.) I tell you all this to say that I am going to dare myself to be honest, to be brave, to share hidden parts of myself, to be vulnerable, and of course to tell the funnies of life. Even if I feel like I am 'failing', I am going to push forth and do it anyway.
This is what I remind myself of when I recognize that I am 'performing'. "I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and complete in Christ." What a wonderful feeling! And I know without a doubt that I will be boring at times, I will mess up occasionally, I will have nothing to say often, and yes, I will even fail a bunch. But, knowing my position in Christ's eyes let's me know... I think I can handle that.
Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI happen to think you are creative and unique, sweet and kind, and just all around cool! Soooo, you should make more of those magical moments happen ;). I wanna know what you're thinking!!
P.S. Sam is currently flipping through his "truck book" and coloring random parts of each page. He LOVES it!
I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately, I have bad news for you: blogging can magnify your perfectionism and need for approval. It can also fulfill them - both at the same time. I struggle quite a bit with being way too obsessed with the approval I get from my blog. But the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, and I think you'll do an awesome job!
ReplyDelete...we might just need to start a Blogger Support Group. :)