I Love...

I feel like it's all happening so fast, this growing up thing. I don't want to forget. Any of if. Even the frustrating bits. You are a delight, Taylor. I love everything about you. I want to remember you as you are now, a sweet 2 and a couple of months.

I love the way you beg me to snuggle with you. I love the way you'll cup my face in your hands, look carefully at my face, and give me a kiss. I love the way you demand I "wait" when you want to do something on your own. I love when you're polite saying, "Thank you so much" or "You're welcome so much". I love the way you say "soary" when you make a mistake. I love when you tell me you're scared, and I get to comfort you. I love the way you express yourself using your eyes. I love when you sing along with me. I love how you say "me help" when you want to do it on your own. I love how you refer to your animals as either "nice and kind" or "mean". I love how you squeeze Rio's face with love. I love that you love wrestling on the bed. I love that you always request "story time". I love that you say "whop em" for you're welcome. I love that you want to know new people's names. I love when you are a servant and offer others whatever you are having. I love how you say "ouch" when Rio is bothering you. I love how a soft blanket makes your fingers go in your mouth. I love that you show concern for others, especially when they are hurt. I love telling you about God. I love when you are shy. I love when you are brave. I love when you ask to pray for others. I love your hair. I love when you ask questions. I love how you protect Rio. I love that you always want to help. I love how you watch people. I love when you climb in my lap for a hug. I love watching you figure stuff out. I love when you make your thinking face. I love to hear you tell me you love me. I love dancing with you. I love all my moments with you, my sweet daughter. I pray I cherish and make the most of the time I'm given with you.

River Jane's Birth Story

So, River Jane just turned 6 months old, and I am just now getting around to writing her birth story (insert image of me hanging my head in shame). 


But, since I did all that work, you know, birthing a baby and all, this post needs to happen. I also figure she will feel cheated since I wrote one for Taylor.


As all birth stories go, there will be details about a birth. So, it might be a little more than you want. Do not read on from here if you can't handle the details. I warned you.


Here it goes:


We found out we were pregnant right before Mother's Day, so we decided to wait to tell our family on Mother's Day and make it all special. They were extremely excited of course. The due date was January 2nd, so I knew that was going to make for an interesting and crazy time with our anniversary, Christmas, my birthday, and New Years all happening around then. 


We found out we were having another girl; I knew it. I can totally see us as an all-girl family. Don't get me wrong, a boy would be fun, but I'm glad it was a she. I was so excited about Taylor and baby girl #2 being so close in age. They are 18 months apart, so I pray they are best friends. Sisters. Wonderful.

The pregnancy went great with no problems, thank you, Lord. I don't take that for granted; I am so thankful for that. I gained around 25 pounds, like with Taylor. I was a little more uncomfortable this time around, just with having another small child to care for. I was exhausted a lot, so I did a lot of napping when Taylor napped. I also wasn't where I needed to be physically before getting pregnant, so I think the lack of exercise played into me being more uncomfortable. I wasn't as comfortable being big this time around either. I felt more insecure and just full out large all over. Baby #2 I guess. 

December rolls around and we still haven't decided on a name; I knew we'd figure it out eventually. Not having a name isn't fun for other people. Everyone asks, and I just started giving a standard answer, "We have two names and we are going to pick when we see her. It will be a surprise." That's hard for people to handle, I get it. Our two names were Emma and River. For both names we liked the middle name Jane. We liked Emma a lot, but we also liked River because it was different. Jonathan loved River Jane. I loved it too, but I had a hard time with it, because I was worried about her hating it later on in life. I found the name on a blog. They actually were naming their baby River June, but I switched it to River Jane. Anyways, two names, River Jane or Emma Jane: to be decided at birth. 

It was a little stressful for me with all the unknown. There were so many little events coming up, so many things happening. Waiting on a baby was difficult for me. We were also having the Owens' down for Christmas, so I felt pressure (not from anyone) to have the baby before or during their visit. It was hard trying to make plans for Taylor and our holidays not knowing when a baby was arriving. I know I sound silly, but I'm documenting how I felt. It's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to. 

I wasn't counting on baby girl #2 coming early. I was preparing myself for way after the due date, like with Taylor. But still every day, I would think, maybe it's today. 

I had a few Braxton Hicks contractions earlier in the pregnancy, just a few times, but not enough to do anything. On New Years Day I started having some stronger Braxton Hick's. They were sporadic, but strong. I would have a couple then none for a few hours. Then a couple more, then none for a few hours. Jonathan and I went to a movie by ourselves (me having a hard time focusing due to contractions), while the Owens watched Taylor. I remember secretly thinking they were real contractions, but not allowing myself to believe or get excited. I especially didn't want to tell anyone, not even Jonathan, for fear of getting everyone's hopes up and then crushing them. I felt like everyone was just watching me, waiting. So much pressure. I really wanted to have her before the Owen's had to leave. I would have felt horrible if they missed another birth. I finally told Jonathan that I was having Braxton Hicks, but I totally downplayed it to him, so he didn't even think anything. 

The next day, January 2nd, the due date, I was still having contractions, but they were so sporadic. 3 really strong ones, then nothing for hours. 4 more, then nada. In the evening they were the strongest; I even had to rock and breathe through some of them. It was funny because I didn't want anyone (besides Jonathan) to know, so I did my best to mask my discomfort. I went to bed early, because I was uncomfortable. They were pretty strong. This time around, I knew better what to expect, so I think I had a better handle on the pain. I was in bed, rocking my hips through the contractions, and I decided to start timing them. But those silly things would not get regular in length or in time between each. I thought I was in labor, but I was waiting it out as long as I could. I contacted my doula, Rachel, to ask her advice. She talked to Jonathan, and based on how I didn't appear to be in a lot of pain, he didn't really think I was far yet. But I felt like I was in labor, and I decided it was time to go. Like I said earlier, I think I just had a better handle on my pain. P.S. The rocking of my hips worked well for awhile, but it was starting to get beyond that, so I thought I was ready to go. 

I was scared, scared that I was about to wake everybody up, get their hopes up, go to the hospital, and then, nope, you are not in labor. I would have felt a sense of failure. I finally let Jonathan tell his family that we were headed to the hospital, and I alerted mine as well. I remember someone trying to hug me in all that, and I held my hand up, and left the room. I was in labor; don't touch me unless you are asked. Insert winky face. But for real. 

Side note: Every night before the baby was born, I remember holding Taylor and rocking her and just cherishing those last moments of her as an only child. It was kinda sad. (But of course so happy as well).

Jonathan and I headed out, grabbed some fast food, and off to the hospital we went. I talked to the on-call doctor and Rachel to let them know we were heading to the hospital. In the car on the way, I had like one small contraction. Stink. I immediately began doubting that this was the real thing. I felt sick at the thought of having to go back home with a false alarm. 

We arrived at the hospital around 5:45 am on the 3rd. Rachel arrived shortly after. We were supposed to get the tub room, but it wasn't working. We were also supposed to get an inflatable tub, but they were out of liners. What?! Come on, Brookwood, you let me down. I just wanted the tub for the labor part, not the birth. 

Rachel being goofy. 

I got my fancy hospital gown on and got ready to be checked. I had only had like 2 contractions since leaving the house. I was so prepared to hear false alarm, but what do ya know, I was already 6-7 centimeters! Thank you, Lord! This was the real deal. We called our photog, Miss Haley Richter and told her to get on up there. As soon as I was allowed, I started walking around. I walked for awhile around the empty halls, and then went back in for them to monitor the heartbeat. There were a few decels (is that right?) so they wanted me strapped to a monitor. We walked some more and danced during contractions. Rachel suggested some squats and different positions to help with the drop in heart rates. I think they helped, but since I still had some, they were wanting me to have my water broken to see if there was meconium in with the baby. They decided to break my water at 8 am. (There wasn't meconium in the waters for your info.) I was 8 centimeters. Just like last time, as soon as my water was broken, I felt the pain so much more. 

Us walking the halls.

Rachel suggested several things to help with the pain. I labored some on the toilet. I also sat on the birthing ball a lot and leaned over the side of the bed. When I was losing it several times, Rachel would bring me back. Bless her. I remember one time she had me pat my hand to her counting. I had such a hard time focusing on keeping with her rhythm. It helped me though. She was great. I was much more "here" for this birth. I remember it being more painful, but i think that's just because I was much more alert during all of it. Rachel managed to keep me focused and relatively calm. Several times I lost it. I think I even hit Jonathan some. I kept trying to touch Jonathan's skin during contractions. It calmed me. He was a fabulous partner of course. He is so patient and supportive and calm and great. I moaned a lot. Rachel would remind me to breathe and moan deep and breathe some more.

Dancing.

I got to the point where I was starting to feel A LOT of pressure. It was really hurting. Rachel relieved some of the pressure by doing some magic thing where she pressed on my hips. It worked wonders. I could feel the baby sliding down...crazy. I had the strongest urge to push, but we didn't think I was at 10 yet. I finally requested they check me at 9:28 and victory! 10 centimeters! Time to push. I sat on the bed semi-upright and got my feet in those stirrups. Getting into the bed is the worst. I hate that part. It's so uncomfortable. Dr. Adcock came in and we were ready. I had already been bearing down, because I couldn't help it. It feels so much better to push. 

My super awesome husband at work.

Me pulling her up.

One of my goals this time was to look down while I was pushing. With Taylor I was so scared that I kept my eyes closed. I also didn't want an episiotomy. They brought the mirror over so I could see what I was doing while I pushed. Let me tell you, that was so helpful. I could see action when I pushed, so I could push better. I pushed a couple times while they counted for me, and I started to see a head. Awesome. I pushed again, and the head came out, with a tear, oh well. There was my baby's head! Right there! I could see it in the mirror. Dr. Adcock had me reach down and grab the baby's head, and he let me pull her up onto my belly. He did this when I had Taylor as well, but I had my eyes closed shut the first time. It was such a wonderful feeling. All that hard work, and then I get to pull my baby up onto me. So incredible. I held her and cried and praised God. Our baby was here. She arrived at 9:38 am. I only pushed for under 10 minutes. I don't know how long I was technically in labor, because I don't know when it officially started. You could say 2 days, but I think I'll just say starting from when we got there, so 4 hours.

Such an awesome moment. God is good.

They waited for the cord to stop, it didn't seem like it took very long at all, and then we did the rest of the delivery. I don't like that there is still stuff happening after the baby comes out. It annoys me, but I know God designed it just the way it's supposed to be. It felt like it took forever to stitch me up, I had two tears, but it didn't hurt as much this time. My legs were tired of being up and open though. I was so ready to just close them. I held her for a bit, then they took her to weigh. She was 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 19 3/4 inches. Our River Jane (we had already decided on the name, but we still kept it a secret). I got her back and River Jane immediately latched on and started nursing. Precious. I love that skin-to-skin time. 

River Jane Owen.

Our sweet doctor praying with us after.

The team.

So, there it is. The story of her birth. I am writing this 6 months later, so I may have missed some details. I did my best to remember everything. Thanks to our doula, Rachel, for an awesome job. She was such a great support and helper and encourager.  

  

Daddy's in love.

Mommy and Rio.

We are overjoyed with our sweet River Jane. She is a precious and snuggly baby, and we are so thankful. This birth was just as wonderful as Taylor's was, but I remember more. That means I remember more of the detailed pain, but that's okay. It's birth. It's going to be painful. But it is so worth it. I love natural birth. That's what was best for me. I highly recommend it. 

Treasured Two's

Dear Taylor,


Where to begin? I guess I should start by telling you Happy Birthday, so 


Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,
Happy Birthday to You.
It's your Birthday, and you're two!


I sang that song to you all day on Monday, your actual birthday. I think you were wondering why. We didn't have your actual party until Saturday, so I'm not sure if you knew when your actual birthday was. Oh well. 


You are such a special little girl. So, very special. Your Daddy and I talk about it all the time. It amazes us at how much love we feel towards you. I am trying so hard to get you to say, "I love you!" back to us. But you have never been much of a copier. You say it when you want to. I remind you that "we love because He first loved us." We talk about love a lot, especially in learning how we treat our baby sister. 


Speaking of being a sister, I am so proud of the big sister that you are. You are the sweetest to your sister, Rio. I secretly watch you all the time and catch you taking care of her: giving her toys to play with, kissing her, entertaining her with your toys, helping her reach something out of her grasp, and even smiling sweetly at her to see her smile in return. When I leave the room for a second, I always say, "Can you watch Rio for me?" And you always take it so seriously and make sure to really do a good job. I love it. 

I want to try and sum up your sweet little 2 year old personality as best I can: so I can remember it and hopefully so you can read it someday. Here goes:

• You are full of life and joy. So happy. A sweet and gentle spirit.
• I see instances of your servant heart. You always make sure to include everyone. For example, if you are eating, you make sure everyone else eats something to. Or when we are going somewhere you always make sure that no one gets left behind. "Rio go?" "Mommy go?" "Daddy go?"
• What a helper! You love to do little tasks that I give you throughout the day. And you love to help clean. And you love to help cook. 
• We've got a chatterer on our hands and I love it. You will ramble on using words you know and tell us all about whatever happened.
• Your face is very expressive. You like to act out something that happened to you. It amazes us at the little things that leave an impact on you.
• You love to play in our bed. You will say, "Shh shh" and smile really big when you want us to wrestle around in it. As soon as daddy gets home everyday, you immediately ask him to play on the bed. 
• You are not a copier. I will say words and try and get you to repeat them, but you say them on your own time. You are starting to say many more words and form sentences. So fun!
• Your excitement always makes us smile. You are very expressive when you are excited about something. You say, "ya ya" and do a little jig. 
• You love to go "lala" and dance around, but you mostly want a partner to dance with. One of your favorite things to sing is Dora the Explorer. "Hey hey" and "Aw man". 
• You love a nice soft blanket. You must have multiple lovies to sleep with, your ugly doll pillow, and several babies or stuffed animals.
• You are quick to accept discipline. We talk a lot about obedience and how it honors God. You know the word obey really well. If you are in need of a spanking during the day, mommy takes you calmly to your room, and we talk about it before she spanks. You are always quick to hug us right after we spank. And show us your happy heart. 
• You love to pray. You will get all excited and fold your hands and close your eyes during the whole prayer. We pray everyday that God would draw you to Him and reveal Himself to you. 

Some of your common phrases:

• "Ah me?" - Can I?
• "Es go." - Let's go. Normally it's followed be mommy, daddy, rio, or issou.
• "Us dat." - What's that?
• "I eat." - Can I have some?
• "Wee wee?" - Can I slide?
• "La la?" - Can we listen to music?
• "Dohwa?" -Please, please can we watch Dora?
• "Shhh shhh" - Let's go wrestle on the bed and pretend to sleep.
• "Wocka wocka" - I wanna rock in the chair and snuggle.
• "Huh?" - You say this when you don't know the answer or are thinking.
• "Nup." - I want a cup.
• "Pull." - You say this for push and pull and mostly when you strain
• "Up." - Up means I want down and I want up.
• "Wawa." - You do the sign and say the word to ask for water.
• "Baph." - Can I get a bath?

We love you, little girl! I cannot wait to see the beautiful young lady that you grow into. May your heart continue to be sensitive to those around you, and may you come to know Jesus. 


Love you,


Mommy 

4 Months with You, Rio

Dearest River Jane,


You are a delight, dear child, an absolute delight. It blows my mind how snuggly and lovey you are. You are a social baby, lighting up whenever you make eye-contact with anyone. But you still have your moods when only momma can calm you. I love that. I am so thankful for how much you adore being touched and kissed and snuggled. You will lie there while I kiss all over your face and just smile and smile, delighting in the physical touch. So precious. I get sad that I can't devote as much time to just stare at you, but I don't think you mind. Having a big sister will be a much bigger joy. 


Here are a few of your special skills/facts:

• You are fantastic at rolling over. It's no longer random and 'accidental'. You can control when you roll over and even the direction you roll. 
• You are a grabber. If anything gets anywhere near your line of sight, you get this wild look in your eye and attack. You especially love it when faces get close, so you can squeeze and kiss them.
• You like to constantly be holding something in your hands, especially fingers. 
• You are getting stronger in the back area. You can now sit up okay in your bumbo. You don't last long because you dive forward trying to grab stuff off the counter. When you are focusing though, you can sit up very straight. 
• You recognize faces very well. You light up when you see mommy or daddy or when Taylor stops long enough to make eye contact with you. 
• Your voice is very expressive. You will chat with about anything, even the light fixture above the island. And when you get super excited, you emit this high-pitched squeal. So sweet.
• You are finally getting good at napping. You take 2 longer naps and 1 short evening nap during the day. Mommy can now lay you down and you fall right to sleep. She enjoyed holding you for naps, but Taylor needed her attention as well. 
• Your night sleeping is pretty good. You go to sleep around 9 and wake up around 3, sometimes 4, to eat. You then go back to sleep until around 7. Mommy is ready for you to make it through the whole night. But looking back at Taylor's 4 month post, she realized that Taylor was the same way. You sleep in a pack and play in the guest bedroom for right now. Soon we hope to move you in with Taylor. What fun!
• You've been desiring to chew a lot lately. Some of your favorite items to chew are fingers (yours and others), Sophie the Giraffe (Taylor was kind enough to share), blankets, and basically any toy that is chewable. 
• Mommy started carrying you in her woven wrap. You love being held so close, but she has to keep moving to keep you happy. You are like a little koala attached to me. 
• You are very ticklish on your neck and belly.
• You give smiles freely. You do this cute thing where you smile and then tuck your head down like you can't even contain your joy. 
• You are very content to just sit in someone's lap and look up at them. 
• You enjoy playing on the floor with your play gym on your back and belly.
• You still nurse well. I'm so glad we stuck it out. I can't nurse you well with a cover on, but that's okay. We make it work. 

Our sweet 'Rio', 'Baby', River Jane, we all love you so much. Mommy delights in your sweet, snuggly personality. Daddy is already starting to have so much fun with you. You think he's pretty hilarious. And Taylor has accepted you as ours. She is protective of you, getting upset if she thinks someone is taking you away. She always makes sure you are included and that you don't get left behind. I love hearing her say, "hey baby" or "hey Rio" whenever she first sees you after a nap or absence. She is such a great big sister to you, and I pray you will be best friends soon. We are cherishing this exhausting, but perfectly sweet time that you are still an infant. It is such a short time. We thank God for the exact way that He made you, our sweet "Rio Rio". 

We love you,

 Mommy, Daddy, and Taylor

Meet Rio

Recently, Marge, a sweet missionary to Costa Rica called River Jane "Rio". for those of you who don't know, Rio means River in Spanish.

I fell in love with it.

It's now my favorite nickname for River Jane. And even better, Taylor calls her Rio too. But it sounds more like "wio". It's adorable. Adorable I tell you.

Taylor had been calling River Jane "baby". That's cute and all but she calls every other baby "baby", including her baby dolls. Now we have something different that Taylor can say.

Did I mention that I love it?!

And just for fun, here's a pic of our sweet little Rio.

A Little Truth for Now

So, I just speed-read the book "Loving the Little Years". Loved it, but I will need to read it again. One of the many parts that hit home with me was called "no need to count".

Basically, it talks about when I'm up in the middle of the night with baby or sick toddler, why even look at the clock. I often tally my awake moments just so I can be certain about how much I gave. Poppycock. The book pointed out how I am up just when I need to be. Good to be reminded of that.

Also, this verse was like gold.

"Everyone to whom God has given wealth, and possessions, and the power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil-this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart." (Eccl. 5:19-20)

To sum it up, a quote from the book.

"The days of your life are supposed to be full of things like this. But joy is not giddy. It is not an emotional rush-it is what happens when you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil. So rejoice in your children. Look them in the eyes and give thanks. You will not even remember the work of all this planting when the harvest of joy overwhelms you."

Even after I've picked up the same toy 9 times already and answered to my name being called 34 times by my gifts of God, I will rejoice in my toil.

Big Girl Bed

Well, we did it. After months of dread and nervousness, we decided to put you in a toddler bed.

We had been planning on doing it pretty soon, so that the crib would be open for River but you wouldn't feel like she pushed you out. But we needed a bed.

I found one at kids market. You were so excited when you saw it, so we decided to just go for it that night. I didn't read up on what to do; we winged it. I'd heard the transition can be hard, so I was nervous.

You did great! You went right to sleep. You did fall out twice, but it didn't hurt. The first time, I heard you fall and watched you just lie back down on the floor instead. So funny. Daddy put you back in bed. The second time you actually climbed back in bed yourself.

Naptime was a little harder. You wanted to play more in the daylight. That's understandable. Mommy had to get on to you several times, but you finally settled in to sleep. It's hard for you to go back to sleep when you wake up too early because there's more distraction.

The next night took you longer to get to sleep. You explored your options. Climbed out of bed, but only took two corrections to fix that. Pulled stuff off the shelf, but only had to tell you once. You also played with the tub of animals that mommy had put beside the bed to block you from falling. So, we took it away. And you fell out. Hard enough to make you cry, but after mommy and daddy both ran to your rescue, you were fine.

Now on our 4th night, and you are a pro. We still put the tub of animals as a block to falling, and it's worked. You settle in well at naptime. Scout helps you by singing to you. When we put you to bed, you say "no" and pat your arm. We think you are reminding yourself to not get out of bed. Cute little rule follower. I think we are almost ready to remove the video monitor.

You made this pretty easy, little girl. Thanks for being awesome.

Mommy and Daddy had a hard time with this transition. It made you feel so grown-up. It was exciting, but at the same time so scary. We are proud of you, sweet girl.

It Starts Now

4/01/12

Today marks operation "get River Jane out of my bed".

I wouldn't call myself a family bed practicer. I've got nothing against it, but I like my space. I like to be able to go to bed without attachments. And I like to be able to change positions when I wake up at night. Can I also add, that I am a light sleeper who doesn't move around. River Jane sleeps on her side right up against me. So I feel her if she moves. I wouldn't let her sleep with us if I thought it was in any way dangerous. That's all.

With Taylor, I started early getting her to self soothe herself to sleep. She would start out in her bed, but I would nurse her by me and leave her there for the 4:00 feeding.

Things are different with River Jane. I'm scared to let her cry even a tiny bit at night. We share a wall with Taylor and I'm so afraid it will wake her up.

So, she sleeps with us. It's just easier to feed her or pop the paci in when she wakes up. I know. Begin as you mean to go. This is a bad habit I've gotten myself into.

And it stops now.

I want my bed back. I love every minute with that sweet baby, but I want my away from baby sleep time.

So, tonight I'm trying to put her to sleep in the pack n play in our guest room. I moved the video monitor out of Taylor's room and into there.

I think this will help both of us sleep better. Hopefully it won't take too long.

Wish me luck.

Update on Wednesday, April 4th:
The first night did not go well. I caved and ended up sleeping with you in the guest bed. And starting at 1, you woke up EVERY hour. Not cool, kid. The next day we worked on self-soothing during naptime. Again, did not go well. Lots of crying; little sleep. And that night we made the mistake of doing another big change by putting Taylor in a toddler bed, so she needed the video monitor. That meant mommy had to sleep in the guest room with you again. After nursing you, I worked on at least getting you used to not being right next to me. That worked. I also started giving you a bottle at night so I couldn't use nursing as a paci. You slept in your pack and play well at first, but mommy caved when you wouldn't go back to sleep. And then the next day for naps, the magic happened. Mommy figured out you sleep well on your own when she lets you cry it out on your belly. It takes you less than 5 minutes to fall asleep without my help. Awesome. Please let this be real. The first night of belly sleep, you slept in the pack and play til 5:30, with one bottle between that. Awesome.

Giggle Giggle Quack

You didn't quack.

But you did giggle.

Mommy was making raspberry noises at you, and you decided she was funny enough to giggle at.

You are 8 weeks old.

I can't wait for those deep belly laughs.

Bring it.

Belly Roll

You little sneaky doll.

I lay you on your play mat like I often do, and then head into the kitchen to cook dinner. No big.

Minutes later I hear you crying and think you must be bored with that.

Nope.

You rolled on over to your belly and I believe surprised yourself.

Who taught you that.

It's so funny, because with Taylor I had time to watch and wait impatiently for every milestone. But you get to surprise us with your skills on your own time. I like that.

Well done, little girl.

You're not quite 3 months yet (4 days away to be exact).

And we love you to pieces.

Update on 4/5/12:
And you just rolled over from your belly to your back. Slow down, kid.

Pump it Up

Taylor's mothering instinct already seems to be kicking in.

Baby's gotta eat, right? She ain't gonna feed herself.

Embarrassing pics for the future? You betcha.

Guilt

Can you see it?

Right there.

That's guilt.

Mommy-guilt.

After 27 years of living with my "skin condition", also known as just being pale, I should know better.

We are never leaving the house again unless that sweet porcelain face is smothered in some SPF 1000.

Too much?

Nah.

Secret Forts

Best way to spend my time.

Singing songs.

Telling stories about bears, princesses, elephants, and adventures.

Snuggling.

Kisses.

Protecting the fort from the Zissou beast.

Best way to spend my time.

Flu-Like Symptoms

February 16

"Flu-like symptoms"

Can't be that bad, right? Wrong.

These flu-like symptoms are the worst. Add on the pain in the infected area, a hungry newborn, and we've got miserable.

I finally gave in and asked for help (something I'm not good at) and called Lynn. When she got here, I was bawling. She took the baby and I collapsed in bed for a little while. So thankful for that rest. My mom came the next day, but I was already feeling much better.

Mastitis had after effects as well. River Jane had some nursing strikes where I had to trick her into latching. Not fun.

River Jane is really making me work for this nursing thing. Doesn't she know it's good for her?

I'm having to let go and relax. I was getting so stressed all the time worrying about nursing lasting. I've had to come to terms with the fact that if I have to stop earlier than I'd like, I need to be okay with it. I like control, so that's hard to let go. I'm not in control; God is.

I am praying we can nurse a lot longer, but prepared to let go if we have to.

River Jane the Doll

February 15

Putting River Jane on the floor is a bit more dangerous than it was for Taylor.

When I put River Jane on the floor, Taylor is immediately drawn to her. She's pretty gentle, but of course I've got to keep a close eye on her. She showers her with kisses and gifts her with toys. It's pretty sweet.

I can't decide if she's treating River Jane like a toy or if she's actually playing with her. Oh well.

Smiles are Where It Is At

February 12

I like the newborn baby stage. Really I do. They are so snugly and sweet, and they make the best faces. But there is something so magical when they start smiling at you. Not just gas smiles, but real smiles.

River Jane is there.

And I love it.

She was about 5 weeks old when she first started those real smiles. It's the best feeling when she really sees you, and looks at you like you are so beautiful. She gazes up with such adoration. It really makes my heart go pitter patter.

Blankie Love

Feb 8

It's love. Blankie love.

Taylor was given a minky dot blanket and bib when she was born. I thought it was cute and all with her name sewn in, but I had no idea how much she would come to love them. Thankfully we have both the bib and blanket in case one is missing.

She mostly only uses them at nap or bedtime or security at church.

But if she happens to pass by one, she can't help but be drawn in by it's powers. No matter what she's doing, she has to pet it and put those two sweet fingers in her mouth.

It's like a drug. A soft pink minky drug.

A Piggy Tail Kind of Love

Feb 3

The little Fraggle finally did it. She grew enough hair for some pig tails.

More like mullet pig tails, but pig tails nonetheless.

And while wearing said pig tails, she decides to be super adorable and loving towards her baby sister.

But she's always like that.