Monday, January 10, 2011

A Mother's Blessing

What a blessing this has been. Nursing my sweet child. It was something I had been anticipating from the beginning; something I so desperately wanted, but at the same time feared. Thankfully, God allowed me this blessing. And I have cherished it...absolutely cherished it.

There have been times when I almost quit. Times when the uncertainty and doubt almost swallowed me whole, but I felt called to persevere. And persevere I did. With my trusty pump in hand, I fought for this. And God proved faithful. He has given me 6 full months of breastfeeding my child, and I am so very thankful to Him.

I thought I was finished about a month ago when Taylor didn't seem to be getting satisfied, but after pumping like a fool, the problem was fixed. It was then that I came to terms with the possibility that I might be done nursing, and surprisingly I was okay with it. Don't get me wrong, I would love to nurse all the way to a year. But I am not in control here. God helped me realize that if I didn't make it to a year, it would be okay.

I'm not quite sure, but I feel as if it is coming to an end. Taylor seems to be starting to wean herself. We started oatmeal last Monday, and have been trying fruits and vegetables also. The oatmeal is made with formula because after a period of supplementing when the supply wasn't meeting the demand, I used up all of my frozen stash. She is getting used to the formula now, and almost seems to prefer it. I am going to continue to offer her to nurse as long as she wants, and supplement with formula like I've been doing. But I don't know how long it's going to last.

Now that it might be happening for real, I have mixed emotions. I have accepted that it is okay if she does end up weaning herself. But at the same time, I am so very sad. As I'm typing this, my eyes are welling up with tears. This has been such a wonderful time of bonding with my sweet baby girl. She is not a snuggly baby, so nursing has been a great way for me to get my snuggles and bonding in with her.

Today, while I was nursing her, I asked Jonathan to take some (modest) pics for me. I am so glad he did. These pictures will be a great reminder of the time I was given to nurse my child.

To help me remember.

To remember the way she would reach up and touch my face while she nursed, and the way she clutched at my clothing and skin.

To remember the many hours I spent gazing and caressing her sweet face. All the while thanking God for this little bundle of blessing in my arms.

To remember the times she would look up at me out of nowhere and smile at me with such love and delight.

To remember the times she fell asleep nestled snug against me, and I just watched her.

To remember this special time I was given to spend with my firstborn child.
A blessing indeed...this motherhood thing...a blessing indeed.

Side-note: I struggled with whether or not I should publish this post. I would hate to offend or upset anyone. But this is my blog; a way for me to document this time with my precious child. And this is important to me; so in the end you can see what I decided to do.
I hope ya'll don't mind.


  1. First of all, way to go with getting this far! I know how hard that can be when things aren't "perfect" and you're an amazing mommy for fighting to keep it for so long. Nursing is such a sweet blessing and I've so been there with the emotions you are experiencing now. I'll be praying for you!

  2. I'm glad you posted this. The pictures are absolutely beautiful. I've heard from a friend that weaning can feel like amputating a limb. Best Wishes! God Bless your beautiful family!

  3. Kristen...I have been reading along on your blog as you have grown into Motherhood. As a Mom of 3 girls who I nursed each one stopping at different times with each (9 months, 15 months, and 11 months) it nice to hear someone share the same thoughts I had with it. Its a special time with our children that can be taken for granted and even looked down upon as a hassle. I thank you for posting and wish I had pictures to look back on those moments with my girls. May God give you strength and endurance as you go through this transition. Keep up the GOOD WORK being a Mom is the best job in the world!

  4. i truly enjoying reading your blogs. love it and love you!

  5. I love this post!! And the pictures are fabulous. I took one that I really love not too long ago, and I have no idea what to do with it - because it's not quite as modest as yours, but it's SUCH a good picture. Chris suggested a black bar. :)

    Anyway, thanks for sharing, and you're so right - nursing is SUCH a blessing!!

  6. Oh Kristin, you are a wonderful mom. Having Jonathan take these pictures and document how you're feeling about this is a wise thing. I think you'll cherish the visual memory.
    You know I know how you're feeling. Nusing is such a complicated thing. It brings out feelings in us we never expected, doesn't it? Who knew it could be so challenging?!
    Sam wasn't an especially snuggly baby - in fact, he really didn't even like to sit in our laps...always standing and jumping. Anyway, now, every time he goes to bed, he asks me to snuggle and when I get up, he tells me I didn't snuggle long enough. And the difficulty I had when we stopped nursing? I can hardly remember it now.

  7. And I just love the shirt grabbing. So so sweet. And the falling asleep. (It can be frustrating at times so thanks for the reminder of just how sweet and short-lived it actually is).

  8. I love your blog. And your a fantastic mommy. Of course, I love the beautiful pictures. I am thrilled that you have enjoyed yourntime of nursing. Every baby is different and so is every mommy, for that matter. Keep up the good work.